I am Not Afraid to Keep on Living

What a rollercoaster ride

Damn did our worlds collide.
I nearly forgot they ever had
You were a distant memory fading fast
Not because you never meant much to me
You meant the world you see
But it’s what you’ve come to be
How it seems like there’s barely any humanity
And it’s sad.
I miss what we were
But things can’t return
And I can’t unbecome who I am
And you cant unsay what’s been said
And I can’t stop being sad
And you can’t never be mad
But one time you were
Never mad at me
And one time I was
As happy as a man could be
I miss those days
I wish they could return
But I’ll try to move on instead
I suggest you follow suit
Because it’s a hard-knock life
And you need to be strong if you want to belong or if you want to succeed or if you want to be free.
I hope you don’t hate me
But you really probably should.

Choose a Side.

I won’t let you stratal this fence anymore. You do you want me to be? The boy or the man? Who are you going to be? Which girl I love are you this week?

…………………

Decided to put this on here instead of my other blog because it’s sort of sensitive. Posting more soon.

I won’t let me get angry at you.

“Claim I can’t stop thinking about you”

That’s the problem. I can’t get you out of my head. When things are good it’s the greatest thing in the world, but when things are down hill it’s like a shotgun blast to the brain. Oozing pink splattered all over the walls. It’s like a sledge hammer straight to my balls. I can’t stop think about how much I love you. And how much I want to talk to you. I love you. I really fucking do.

“Maybe I can chill and stay the same;

Stop the bleed inside and feel again.

Cut the chain of lies,

I’ve been beating myself without nothing to say to you.

Nothing to say to you…..”

Goodnight

Talk to me a little or a lot,

Our responses spaced 10 minutes apart.

I don’t care if you don’t want company,

Or don’t want me here.

I’ll stick with you through all.

Fuck, he was my friend too.

And I miss you, despite all the things you didn’t mean to put me through.

We went through them together.

But as far as relationships go,

It seems pretty one sided,

I just thought you should know.

I love you though,

I’m not mad or disappointed,

Flustered, confused or feeling shunned.

I just feel alone. I miss your touch.

I suppose your hero isn’t pulling through this much.

I’m stuck in the middle, fighting to breathe.

I’m fighting for nothing, sometimes it seems.

Oh, and I’m sick of emo kids and hipsters.

And fucking hypocrites.

And people who say their something when they’re not to try and make it true.

And people spreading rumors about spreading rumors,

And bullshit altogether.

Also yelling. And people talking at 11:52 at night while their (for lack of a better word) room mate has school in the morning.

And indie comic strips that mock my favorite band. (even if I can’t stop reading it)

I feel I should be able to rant here, and not be judged, even if you see yourself in this.

I’ve been jumping all around,

I don’t mean most of it (I mean every word, but not for long.)

(Because feelings last like getting drunk. They make you spill out everything and you end up feeling horrible in the morning.)

I eat late at night when I’m lonely which is why I can’t lose me extra weight.

My friends avoid me.

The longer I date my wonderful girlfriend, the more I want to be Alexander DeLeon or Alex Marshall.

Because I know if either one were as obtainable as me, I would never have even been considered as dateable by her. I want to be them, because they are the kind of person she’s in love with. (I’m just the type of person she loves)